Redating an ex years later

An important romantic figure from your past finds you on an internet social media site. This renewed connection brings to mind the passion and enthusiasm of youth—before children, financial problems, and middle age. As a therapist who has worked with couples for over 25 years, I see couples struggle with the aftermath of affairs.

Know that even the relationships we’re in now will end some day, so enjoy them while we can. The thoughts about her keep coming over and over again. We wouldn’t see each other in weeks or months, but everyday chat for hours on the net. I told her once a story about a couple that got separated for some unfortunate reason in life and then years passed and found each other again when they were old. Now I haven’t seen a photo of her, haven’t heard of her in years – she has disappeared from the net completely! It’s easier to dip myself into agony and then wrap it up and put it in a box in my mind and hide it for the next few days or weeks. Evolution or Oblivion are the solutions; if you cannot evolve, then better forget or die.

A nice vase on a shelf, you can look at it and appreciate it – but it’s not wise to fear when it breaks, because eventually it’s going to break. I tried to convince myself that me and her back then belong to that time and are now dead. Moments in life are unique and are not to be taken lightly.

Like dreading Monday all day Sunday – good things come to an end, enjoy them while you can – that whole concept is what I think we fail at when we miss our exes. But as a researcher, I tried to rationalize this, I tried to think of those things that let us broke up (the real reasons), and I tried to understand if I miss her or maybe an image my mind made of her or the life I had during that time or specifically the feelings I felt with her. Our very own cells have changed, our metabolism and microbiom in our body is different and our experiences have shaped us differently. Appreciating such moments can make you a happy person. I have tried…I went to her, but she wouldn’t see me. The thing is that I now have a little ‘mental cancer’ that wont go away it seems. I just wish I would be free of those chains earlier on time.

Trying to set up a fake chance meeting could easily backfire. Most importantly his sixth sense might spot your deception. Wanting to feel more fabulous than your ex, and creating the situation to make that happen, is really no big deal.

So what if you feel awful and foolish by the end of it? If he feels the same way, he’d be into it; if he doesn’t, ok (again, who cares? I dated a girl back when I was 18 for about 2 years – we broke up when she went to a different college, I joined the military – we stayed friends, dated again when I got out. We weren’t seeing eachother a lot, with work / school – she got a second boyfriend on the side, then I became the second boyfriend on the side. I took some psychology classes in college, also studied up on buddhism. So psychology first : people who aren’t happy in life, tend to lean on their partner for happiness – it’s unhealthy but it’s what people tend to do.

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