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In this way, it is important to remember that the cycle is the “problem” not the couple.

Once couples can see that their partner’s behaviour is typically aimed at trying to establish connection and security, and not about being insignificant or a failure, it becomes easier to become more engaged in the healing process Often when couples get caught up in their cycle, it can be quite overwhelming and visceral.

Tempers flare, yelling ensues, and feelings are hurt.

In a matter of seconds you can find yourself so caught up in your emotional experience, that it can be hard to see how the cycle is pushing you and your partner around.

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I can’t always respond individually, but I’m hoping that this topic will address several of those questions.

In all seriousness, I love it when you send in questions and share that the blog has changed your understanding and relationships.

Herein lies the problem; the more an avoidant partner withdraws, the more it activates the anxious partner causing them to pursue. I see this pattern in my relationship, but what can I do about it? Their tips for the anxious-avoidant relationship dynamic are as follows: The first step towards change in any situation is the extent in which you are aware of the “problem”.

The opposite can also be true, the more an anxious partner pursues, the more overwhelming it can become for an avoidant partner causing them to withdraw. I have been asked many of these questions, and yes there is hope. To answer these questions and fully explore this challenging dynamic I reached out to some colleagues and experts in the field: Melissa Kroonenberg, M. In this case, awareness means understanding that you and your partner are in a pattern of behaviour that is unhelpful and destructive to the relationship.

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