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It's true that cybersex is not for everybody, and it can be emotionally dangerous even if you're not in a committed offline relationship and risking infidelity.

Some cyber partners even end up leaving the virtual space to get married. But it still irks me that it's such a shock when I explain that having sex online does not mean it's your last resort.

It sounds harsh, but it's what keeps a core of 30 or more regulars returning to the room, week after week."Women have told me they like to come to our room because we don't mess around," he says.

Getting booted is not the end of your cybersex chances.

And if you're not willing to make the investment, go to a cam-girl site and pay to play instead.

Because I've been an observer but not sexually active online for the past few years, I called up Kirk (not his real name), an administrator in an adults-only webcam community.

You're banned for 24 hours, but anyone willing to respect the community standards is welcome to try again."I got bounced out of a room my first day because I didn't know what 'directing' was," Kirk says, laughing.

"If you ask somebody to do something on their cam, boom, you're out.

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That's not a term often associated with depression or obsession, two conditions in which you forget how to play.

You can't just log into a webcam community and get laid, any more than you can join an online role-playing game and hook up without making any further effort.

You have to spend some time, talk to people, form relationships, and maybe – just maybe – sex will happen.

It could just mean you'd rather engage and relate than zombie-out in front of the television.

What people don't realize is that it's hard to find good sex online if you're a woman, and hard to find sex at all if you're a man.

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